I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
