you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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