Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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