Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
