We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
A+ Viking dick
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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