you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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