This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
