You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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