so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
