I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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