Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
