why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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