I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize