Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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