I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
