I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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