the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
