Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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