OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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