there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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