is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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