You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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