I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
