sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
