u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
