and you said cock pushups were impossible
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
