WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
