Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
