I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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