Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
