how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the condom got lost in my hair
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
