3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
