Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
