i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
