oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
