I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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