I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it glows. i had to have it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
