Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
