Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
