When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize