I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
