If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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