Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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