I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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