I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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