Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
