the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
