I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize