First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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