My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
