if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
