i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
