So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
