Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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