i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
