How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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