Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
