I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
