You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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