Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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