I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
