I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
