Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
