Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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