Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
