I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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