The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
