i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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