Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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