Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
