definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
