I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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