I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
two words...techno handjob
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
After tacos, we're chasing women.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
